her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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