Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
