If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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