covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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