Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
