if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
