ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
