I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
