Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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