ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
