my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
