we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
