I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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