Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
