I think i peed on brittanys purse
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
