You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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