a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
