He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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