From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
