Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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