thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
