I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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