If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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