Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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