After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
