When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
