There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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