Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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