WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
