All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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