Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
