Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
