Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
