Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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