I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
