So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
