My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
