forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
