Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
