Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
