So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
