2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
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