Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
