what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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