Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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