Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
