using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
