Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
