i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
