am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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