I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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