So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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