No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
