he thought i was a dude.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
